Almost every week, I talk with women who want to be more kind to themselves.
They want to love themselves more, not just tolerate themselves.
- “I want to be more gentle and mindful of how I treat myself.”
- “I want to feel comfortable in my skin.”
- “I’d like to actually learn to accept my body instead of always finding flaws and picking it apart.”
- “I’d like to talk to myself the same way I talk to my best friend when she’s struggling because I definitely don’t do that now.”
So, I ask them what self-love looks like and means for them. Wide eyes stare back at me. Complete radio silence.
What does self-love even mean? Is it more than bubble baths, meditating, moving your body, and eating nutritious foods? Or is it deeper than that?
To be honest, the term self-love used to bring up resistance in me, like I know it does for other women. I would hear things like “love yourself more” or “just choose love“, and feel very angry about it.
Seriously, shut up already! How am I supposed to love myself more? And why is it so important anyway?
As I started healing my relationship with my body and began feeling more comfortable in my skin, I began noticing the various ways I was unkind to myself. All the ways I wasn’t loving. And truthfully it started to bother me.
Simply being aware is the first step.
If you don’t love yourself, heck if you don’t even like yourself, you are not going to act like you are worth living a life you desire.
- You will continue perpetuating disordered eating.
- You will not take care of your body. (why take care of something when you don’t like it?)
- You will talk to yourself worse than you talk to anyone else.
Self-love, first and foremost, is making the conscious choice that you are worth loving. And then acting, each day, as though you completely believe it is true.
It means forgiving yourself. Leaning in. Breathing through when things get hard. Discovering who you truly are, not just who you believe yourself to be. Exploring your interests and passions. Evolving as you learn. Healing.
But in a more practical sense, it also means:
- Being kind to yourself after making a mistake (even if no one else is acting kind towards you).
- Hugging yourself after eating until you have an uncomfortable stomach and saying “it’s alright” (because it truly is).
- Resting when you need to.
- Moving your body in a loving way when it is craving it.
- Believing in yourself even if no one else does.
- Asking yourself what you need at the moment (without judgment or pre-conceived notion) and giving yourself it without question, hesitation, or judgment (that’s a big one! Hard too).
Self-love is in the small choices, the small acts you do every day. Not just the occasional indulgence.
It is a daily commitment and reaffirmation that you are worthy of love. Worthy of life.
But ultimately it means being there for yourself when it is really freaking hard. When no one else stays around. It means you put yourself first and continue on with the unshakeable knowledge that you are enough.
- It means being kind to yourself after eating an entire gallon of ice cream.
- It means loving your body even though it doesn’t fit into your old skinny jeans.
- It means not hopping on the stair climber just to burn off your “diet sins”.
- It means crying when you feel like crying, shouting when you feel like shouting, belly laughing when you feel like belly laughing, and expressing yourself in the moment.
- It means feeling your feelings instead of stuffing them down.
- It means not judging yourself!
Self-love is a practice. It is a daily choice you make over and over again. A decision you make that brings you closer to yourself. Closer to who you are.
It brings you home.
So is self-love really more than bubble baths? Absolutely. It is the complete and utter acceptance of yourself. It is the unshakeable belief that you are enough and worthy of love. And it is the commitment and reaffirmation that love can be yours, every day, simply be embracing who you are.
So how can you begin to love yourself more?
Start with awareness. Bring your attention to how you treat yourself right now, without the intention to change anything (yet). Just be present and open to discovering the ways you treat yourself now, without any effort.
I’ve created a beautiful 3-day self-love journaling guide to help you get really clear about what self-acceptance and loving yourself means to you. It takes you on an intensive journey over 3 days to help you build a nourishing and comfortable relationship with the most important person in your life….you!
Grab it below!
